Comments

We would like to hear any suggestions or feedback you may have about the main site or this blog.

Our previous guest book comments have been moved to here from the main site.  Thank you all who have taken the time to comment either publicly or privately.

(Page last updated 12/8/10)
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77 thoughts on “Comments

  1. Important work and very well done site! It is too bad we have to talk about abusers of either sex, but women abusers as mothers and teachers are especially cruel.

  2. This is a wonderful collection of information on the subject of female sexual offenders. Thanks for making it available!

  3. Thank you for bringing this information about female sexual offenders to the forefront. It’s time and people will listen and victims can be heard!

  4. This site is the perfect cure for the myopia that has, for far too long, dominated and distorted our perceptions of what constitutes an “offender.”

  5. I was amazed to find that their is a name for what happened to me, and that it is recognized as a form of dysfunctional behavior. Thank you!

  6. This site is a valuable contribution to public awareness. As it says, sex offenders are NOT all male. We all need to know that.

  7. Your site is based on a fundamental falsehood. Since sex is a female resource, there can be no female sexual offenders. All “victims” of a woman’s sexual acts are simply lucky, period, and I refuse to see it any other way. Women are sex objects, not sex offenders. Sex is something women have and men and boys want. The lie that women can be sex offenders is a horrible insult to men, who in fact face a reality of sexual scarcity most of the time, making it utterly impossible to sympathize with males who have a luxury problem of too much sexual attention from a woman. They are NOT victims

  8. Well Eivind then how do you explain women who sexually assault other women and girls? The fact is that sexual assault is human issue rather than a gender issue. I appreciate the information on this site. As a woman who was raped by another woman for years when I was a child I feel that the comments and attitude you displayed Eivind is one reason why these women are able to slip by unnoticed and are rarely held accountable for their actions.

  9. Bad idea to have an unmoderated guestbook admin. It was only a matter of time before pedophiles starting using the guestbook to justify their own sexual fantazies regarding the sexual abuse of children by women. If you allow this to continue unmoderated they will undermine & destroy everything your website stands for as is doing for the protection of children. I wish you & your website every success but be constantly mindful that there will be many who will be threatened by this website and will seek to destroy it.

  10. Thank you FP. Have no fear we do check the guest book comments and while we strongly disagree with the one comment, we thought it would be useful to allow it to stay as an example of how some people think about the subject and how hurtful that can be.

  11. Just to let you know I have five female relitives molest me in one form or another. mother, both grandmothers and two cousins. Father and two uncles as well. Too much to belive but I am not liing. Thank for looking into this subject

  12. Thank you so much for this. I finally feel someone understands. I was sexually abused by my grandmother as a baby girl until I was 7 years old. I tried joining a few abuse survivors’ forums for awhile but there seemed no one who could relate to my situation.

  13. I am a survivor of two middle age females, and when I tried to attend support groups I got a negative response. I was told repeatedly that what happened to me was a “minority” of cases and that victims of male offenders were more prevalent, and so some how deserved more attention. Thank you for helping bring awareness to this issue.

  14. It took another website devoted to female offenders for me to understand that the reason for my behavior, which was typical of a victim sexual abuse, was what my narcissistic mother had done to me as a child. On coming to realize how devastating any kind of abuse can be to a young child’s development, I have concluded that it is imperative that all of us make awareness of all of the forms it takes a priority

  15. This is an invaluable website, dispelling some dangerous myths, all backed up with facts and sources. Well done.

  16. Interesting concept. I actually was pretty aware that female abuse towards children and, occasionally, other females does occur. I also know that emotional abuse from females towards fully-grown males is definitely common.

  17. Female survivor of childhood sexual assault by a female perp. All I have to say is, thank you.

  18. I was sexually abused by my older sister when I was 11. I felt very confused by it. It happened multiple times to me. When I was 10, a friend’s mother also did things to me and forced me to do things to her. To this day I have a very hard time trusting women. I was very confused with my sister because sometimes it felt good but also felt very wrong at the same time. I think this may be why I have a very hard time being intimate with a woman who loves and cares about me. Thank you for having made this site for people like me.

  19. Thank you very much for this website and the resources. My husband is a survivor of mother-son incest/abuse. Although we’ve both been involved with MaleSurvivor.org and read lots of books including “Mother-Son Incest” by Hani Miletski, M.S.W., Ph.D.and Julia Hislop’s “Female Sex Offenders” I had no idea a wonderful website such as this existed. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all your time and effort devoted to this cause. Nonnie

  20. “Only in the presence of compassion will people allow themselves to see the truth.” A.H. Almaas

    You’ve created a site that speaks the truth with compassion. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

  21. I wish to express my appreciation for the truth getting out so that we may all breathe easier seeing and understanding it rather than stress over cultural denial of hidden problems. I was abused by a female teacher for 2 years starting when I was 6 1/2. The violence was physical, culturally sanctioned (against males only) and was accompanied by sexual humiliation before I was developed enough to see it for the sadistic misandre that it was. E. Berge cannot be as ignorant and uncaring as his or her comments would indicate.

  22. I can’t express how happy I was to see that a website like this exists! I will be referring clients to it as well as my peers. Thank You for hard work and dedication to such an important and neglected cause.

  23. Thank you Clark and Tessa for your comments. We try to make this as useful a site as possible while trying to avoid the hype and gender wars that often go with the subject of female perpetrated sexual abuse. If there is anything you would like to see added or blogged about please let us know.

  24. Thank you for creating this site and for bringing this subject out into the open. It is a taboo subject in most cultures but needs addressing and talking about which is what this site does very well.

  25. I’ve watched this web site grow from its inception and I am glad to see that it has grown in such an excellent way. I hope that it continues to grow and provide compassionate support to a group of people (victims of female offenders) to whom little understanding is given.

  26. I just found this site and am soooo grateful for your bravery to expose this much ignored epidemic. I am a survivor of two adolescent female offenders, and cannot tell you the troubles I have gone through in an attempt to educate people on this issue.
    I tried for two years to start a support group to raise awareness, I spoke at highschool parent conferences, I spoken at a womens group telethon, but never seemed to be able to keep peoples attention for very long. Women represent a safety net, and to admit that ANYONE can be a sexual predator just doesn’t seem to sit well with our society. I got very nasty and threatening emails from “women’s groups” who felt I was inadvertently stealing their thunder and sympathizing with male offenders. I was viewed as a “potential financial competitor” and so treated very unfairly and with hostility.
    Female offenders are quite prevalent but extremely under reported, it is that very ignorance that allows them to flourish.

  27. I can’t begin to express how much hope and reassurance is offered through your website. Having personally endured the profound shame of being sexually victimized not once but twice, early on in my youth, I can truly relate. Fortunately now many through your site are being offered a beacon of light. Survivors now can seek refuge in which to harbor oneself, gain strength, a sense of normalcy prior to further environmental oppression. Our wounded today look forward to a brighter tomorrow. Thank you. God Bless

  28. Since fondling and oral sex are forms of sexual assault, of course females can be responsible for such a crime. As a forensic psychologist what I have found is that female offenders are much different than male offenders where pedophilia is concerned. Statistically, female offenders have a warped understanding of sexuality because they were victimized themselves but also, most of them report that they fell in love with an adolescent and do not seek out other victims. Is this the same as pedophilia? We think of pedophiles as men who claim a real sexual attraction to children and an overwhelming number of these “preferential pedophiles” will repeat their offense with different victims. Most of these women, however, seem more motivated, not by a sexual attraction to their victim, but rather a love attraction. That is not to say that I disagree that there are exceptions to these rules and that some females may well be sexually attracted to children. What I know personally is that I’ve never encountered a female offender who was motivated by sexual desire. yet.

  29. As a soon to be psychologist you should know that pedophilia, according to the DSM, involves prepubescent children and not adolescents so of course it is different. Roughly 20-25% of child sexual abuse is committed by women so while you may not see it, or they may not admit it to you (something common with sex offenders), it doesn’t mean it is not out there. This is why anecdotal information is of limited use. I would also assume that as a soon to be psychologist you have had limited exposure to large numbers of clients in the public and private setting.

    If you watch the one video on the resource page you will see a lady claiming to have had hundreds of victims. Please remember that there can be a great deal more than just fondling and oral sex when it comes to female perpetrated sexual abuse.

    Another thing to keep in mind is that the forensic folks would probably see a lot fewer FSO’s because most never make it to the legal system.

  30. But if there is sexual abuse then it is the same. Whether the offender uses the word “love” or the word “sex” to describe their own feelings is irrelevant. There is no reason why a male would not get a warped view of sexuality due to their own victimisation; there is no reason why the paradigm of the victim who goes on to abuse would find more illustration amongst females than males.

    An example of motivations: my aunt is the original source of the solely-female-perpetrated sexual abuse in my family, she is a psychopath who simply finds others’ suffering interesting and amusing. She has never been a victim.

    This may be contentious, but I feel that when one abuses another, one crosses a line, and even if they have been abused themselves, the wellbeing of the newest victim becomes the priority. Saying that female offenders are more likely to have been abused themselves or that they get their “loving” feelings confused, even if it were true, means little to their victims, who cannot be expected to care in the slightest.

  31. Personally I wouldn’t trust the professional opinion or personal motives of any forensic psychologist who has links to the deviantART community Lisa.

  32. “Statistically, female offenders have a warped understanding of sexuality because they were victimized themselves but also, most of them report that they fell in love with an adolescent and do not seek out other victims. Is this the same as pedophilia?”

    This adolescent’s mother believes so Lisa Featherston.

    Teen Boy’s Mother Speaks Out Against Female Predator/Pedophile

    http://www.twitvid.com/VE8QH

  33. Some interesting comparisons:-

    Lisa Featherston comment – [As a forensic psychologist what I have found is that female offenders are much different than male offenders where pedophilia is concerned. We think of pedophiles as men who claim a real sexual attraction to children and an overwhelming number of these “preferential pedophiles” will repeat their offense with different victims.]

    2.5. FILTERING THE PUBLIC CONSCIOUSNESS: THE MEDIA AS MESSENGER
    the media often make light of female sexual perpetration and draw on terms such as “affair”, “offensive touching”, “lewd acts” or “having sex” rather than the harsher terms that are used to describe male sexual perpetration (Simmons, 2006; Hammonton, 2006; Morristown, 2003). The media also reinforces gender constructions and legal justifications with statements such as “the majority of sex offenders are men” (Hammonton, 2006)

    Lisa Featherston comment – [Most of these women, however, seem more motivated, not by a sexual attraction to their victim, but rather a love attraction.]

    2.5. FILTERING THE PUBLIC CONSCIOUSNESS: THE MEDIA AS MESSENGER
    In an article on female sexual offenders, Green (2000) explains that one woman only sexually offended when she was “drunk or high” and only as a result of childhood sexual abuse. Another woman‟s sexual perpetration of a 12 year old boy is explained away because “sadly…she fell in love with [the child]”.

    Lisa Featherston comment – [What I know personally is that I’ve never encountered a female offender who was motivated by sexual desire. yet.]

    2.5. FILTERING THE PUBLIC CONSCIOUSNESS: THE MEDIA AS MESSENGER
    Moreover, the majority of media coverage concerning female sexual perpetration highlights incidences of sexual interaction between teachers and students which fails to represent the full range of female sexual offences (Giguere & Bumby, 2007).

    Extracts from:- DISCOURSE AND POWER IN THE SELF-PERCEPTIONS OF INCARCERATED SOUTH AFRICAN FEMALE SEXUAL OFFENDERS

  34. I wanted to comment that I am pleased to see a community out there for this information. I am currently finishing my thesis on a meta-analysis of the research on Mother-Daughter Incest. I will be starting my PhD in the fall and am hoping to do research specifically with survivors of Mother-Daughter Incest. Although I feel its important for all aspects of female-perpetrated abuse, my focus is on Mother-Daughter Incest because I feel it is the least discussed form of incest. It is reassuring to me (as both a professional in the field and a survivor) that people out there are willing to stand up and bring to light that females can abuse and abuse in horrific ways whilst not discounting that sexual abuse is predominately male perpetrated. Both realities can be true and can warrant attention.

    Thank you for your site. If anyone would like to contact me about my future research project, my email is tylirm@u.washington.edu. I welcome any comments or suggestions, as well as anyone who might be interested in participating in my study or know avenues in which I could reach the greatest survivor population.

    Tylir

  35. I want to say thank you for breaking through the biased info out there on sexual offences, and abuse by women.

    She was mostly an indirect abuser, which makes it harder to discuss without being told I have latched onto the wrong idea about the abuse to justify my anger at her. But she did indeed abuse me, and her gender should not make her less responsible, and less guilty (although it did). I often get told to not confuse feelings of abandonment from my mother about the sexual abuse in my family, although she had others abuse me, and did more than just abandon me.

    The sexual insults, and sexually degrading language she used to incite violence were just a condition of her being female in a patriarchal system. It felt like she tried to feed me to the wolves and she saw my sexual shaming as a game. I do see that as sexual abuse even if she didn’t touch me. It was her attitude, that my being sexually flawed was an excuse for physical violence by men in my family, or that my sexual exploitation at that age was just “sex” to her, and I was just a whore for it. There seemed to be a hatred towards me if I tried to control my family situation, and my emotional, grieving reaction to the abuse.

  36. “The sexual insults, and sexually degrading language she used to incite violence were just a condition of her being female in a patriarchal system” insert sarcasm here…

  37. My experience is similar to Llamalady: “It felt like she tried to feed me to the wolves” You could insert the same sarcasm here too (because the stories are so similar).

    I can’t tell if the abuse I endured at the hands of my mother would be considered SA or not. I too was held out (in subtle insidous ways that were in retrospect quite obvious if one was willing to look at it from that perspective) to be sexually abused by my father (he didn’t), in a way that I think was also meant to be a type of ‘training-ground’ for my younger brothers to become sexual abusers themselves. As only a psychopath can do it, she ‘arranged’ things in such a way that the loose tiles in our upstairs bathroom meant that I had to shower, from the age of 13 until I left home at 19, in the showerstall in my father’s basement workroom, which was open to both my father’s office and my younger brothers’ play area. She would also walk around the house naked in front of me and my prepubescent and adolescent brothers. None of the rest of us did that – only her.

    She was sadistically violent to me when I was young: I think quite probably much like the ‘lovable grandmother’ type depicted in this article:
    “Most of this offender’s victims were girls, and most were not yet verbal. The woman would slap them until their teeth cut their mouths or start a nosebleed. Their pain gave her sexual pleasure, Wolfe said.”
    http://articles.latimes.com/2002/aug/16/local/me-sexpred16

    For instance, I had my head held underwater repeatedly, and have flashbacks of being repeatedly shocked with a cattleprod (I also have recurrent nightmares about long silver metal objects). Both of these events would have happened somewhere around the age of two or three. To this day I have fears around taking baths and showers.

    But none of that was overtly SA. And almost all of it came with some sort of ‘plausable deniability’ excuse she could fall back on. So I’m still left in the dark as to what exactly was going on. Most of her abuse was the mind-f*ck type – the violence and degradation merely served to reinforce that. Also, at various times she was our school nurse and public health nurse (the person to whom vulnerable new mothers were sent btw). So there was no way we would have been believed had any of us even considered speaking up.

    Like Llamalady’s mother, she was also an ardent feminist. Who hated women. Come to think of it, she hated anybody she saw as a ‘weakling’.

    In terms of getting any kind of help or even validation for my own ‘stuff’, my experience has been closest to this post:
    http://female-offenders.com/Safehouse/2011/03/flotsam-and-jetsam.html
    I’m so grateful to the person who submitted that story. Thank you.

    So I was glad to see your recent post “Female Sex Offenders abuse in many ways”. I think Llamalady’s experience and mine serve to illustrate how *some* female abusers do their dirtiest work ‘indirectly’, including serving up their daughters to be abused by others, as well as training their sons to become sexual offenders. I hope your site will continue to explore that as well.

    Thank you again for everything you do here.

  38. Thank you A.

    I used to feel whenever I ventured into the subject of sexual abuse with my mother, that I was wrong and bad for including her as a part of it. I was told to not think of her involvement as a part of the triggers for the physical and sexual abuse from male family members.

    I remember she dressed me up half naked for my step dad one day. It was like she was handing me over to him. I was often told to see her as unaware; as a passive and depressed victim to the situation. I think she enjoyed invoking anger and violence towards me with games she played on the men in her life.

    She was accused of child abuse when I was a toddler. My family supports her against this accusation. I don’t remember if she did anything, but I find it funny my family largely sees her as this little lamb. One aunt says I treated her so badly growing up, and I deserve to be excluded from family gatherings etc.

    A. Thank you, again for recognizing what I was seeing. I always knew and felt that she was “training” my brother to commit sexual offenses. The aggressive language, and saying he can hit me because of my sexual choices. Yet I had a feminist psychologist refuse to address the issue, claiming she was the victim, and my brother forced her to do it. She did not just abuse one child, she abused both her children with her behavior.

    I remember being slagged one day, in front of my brother. He was encouraged to crack “jokes” about my genitalia being so huge, and accommodating for any man. I was particularly slagged for getting taken advantage of by a 30 year old man, where he’d threaten to rape me, and he’d stalked me. The slagging served as a purpose to keep me from addressing that exploitation and abuse, and to make me think it was “just sex” and I am “just a whore.”

    Other female relationships in my life have mimicked my family relationship. One friend as a young teen slagged me to anyone who would listen to her behind my back. She was caught doing this so obsessively, it made me think what she was doing was sexual harassment. She wanted men to fuck me, and was trying to set it up behind my back, so she could slag me some more. I wonder if this behavior led to some really traumatic, and inappropriate behavior from some classmates.

    Another girl seemed to directly bully me, because she knew about my mother, and the idea that my mother did these things threatened all she knew of abuse.

    In my adult life I was raped by female perp and male perp. She co-abused with another man, and coerced me into sex. She initiated and instigated it. Yet she would say things like, “I would never hurt a woman.” and then she would do something contradictory to that it was insane.

    I have trouble with being touched. I get very nervous in situations. I cannot even get a hair cut because of my issues with being touched. I can let my boyfriend touch me because what he does is so different from the abuse, and he is an intelligent human being who thinks like me on the subject, and understands just what I am seeing.

  39. Rhiannon/Blogger,
    I hope at some point you’ll consider covering the topic of female sadism. I’m trying to find information about the impacts of my own abuse, but it doesn’t seem to fit into any particular category thus far. I’m getting confusing information re: whether or not sadism is a a facet of SA, or whether it should be a category on its own. It’s almost impossible to find any information on sadism that isn’t about sexual sadism. What happened to me wasn’t explicity sexual (at least not what I remember). However it seems to be closest to the abuse perpetrated by the “everybody’s lovable grandmother” sexual sadist described in the article I quoted in my post above:
    http://articles.latimes.com/2002/aug/16/local/me-sexpred16/2

    I have few memories of large segments of my childhood so it’s difficult for me to put all the pieces together. (For instance I have only one brief ‘snapshot’ childhood memory of going to bed, and of that I can only remember the texture/colour of the bedspread.) Most child abuse resources, websites, articles, etc… don’t seem to cover the topic of sadism (let alone female sadism); most seem to concentrate on either male-perpetrated SA or overburdened/underresourced parents. So I hope you’ll consider expanding your site’s bibliography &/or articles to include examination of female sadists.

    This has taken on more urgency for me of late: I’ve discovered that my mother, who I had assumed to be retired by now, is still working as a public health nurse with vulnerable people. Incidentally, I’ve also recently discovered that the majority of female serial killers are health care professionals – primarily nurses. She has recently been working as a nurse at a children’s camp, and upon her ‘retirement’ from there had the camp broadcast in their newsletter a request for any former campers to get in touch with her – including her home contact info. I don’t know enough about female sadists to know whether or not this may be broadcasting for new victims. I’m feeling some responsibility to report her to police, and some guilt for not having done so before now. But all the professionals I got “therapy” from over the years told me I was exaggerating and that she would be an older woman by now and unlikely to harm anyone. Now I’m finding that that’s not necessarily the case, but am finding it very difficult to get accurate impartial information to guide me to know what to do. And when I investigated how to go about investigating or reporting this in my home province (Ontario, Canada) I was, as you frequently point out, always referred to Assaulted Women’s centres as the intake point, the same centres who routinely dismissed my concerns and patronized/ridiculed me over the years.

    I know that this isn’t just my own imagination because the minister at my (deceased) grandparent’s church, when I asked her advice re: reconciling with my family, advised me to change my name and never let my family find me. Incidentally, if any of your readers have suggestions re: the advisability of reporting this &/or suggestions how to go about it in a way that has at least some possibility of being taken seriously, I would greatly (and gratefully) appreciate hearing them.

    Also, if you’re ever thinking of expanding the topics covered on this site, I hope you might eventually cover the topic of Munchausen by Proxy, also a form of child abuse perpetrated overwhelmingly by female medical professionals. It’s been suggested that I am also victim of an oblique form of this, but again it’s difficult to find good information on that as well.

    To Llamalady, I’m so sorry for what you’ve endured, and I’m glad that my words provided some validation. That sympathy is extended to every person who finds their experiences reflected on this site or otherwise feels a need to be here.

  40. Please respond to me. I am desperate to find help for me. I am 34 years old I am a survivor of mother-daughter childhood sexual abuse. I have been married for almost 12 years but my abuse is eating away at my soul and I need help. I don’t want this to destroy my marriage anymore than it already has.

  41. A,
    I will try and cover that at least once soon for you. I would also say you are probably more right than you may think because the sadism is the same but how it is applied is different. Kind of like a bank robber may use a gun or a knife or just psychological with a note. It is all still a robbery the tools are just different. Same way with the sadism.

    I do have an article on here that has Munchausen in it http://female-offenders.com/Safehouse/2008/09/psychopathic-child-abusers-a-glimpse.html

    There are a few of the older posts as well that talk about non-sexual abuse, torture, etc on the site as well. You can try using the search box and try the various terms such as torture, hospital, abuse, etc.

    The FBI did some research and this is from one of the papers/studies they did (if you want a copy e-mail me and let me know. It is quite graphic and possibly triggering though) and you can see how the “sexual” piece is just one of the tools. It applies to non-sexual sadism as well (which they briefly mention in the study as well):

    One sexual sadist defined sadism in the following way: Sadism: The wish to inflict pain on others is not the essence of sadism. One essential impulse: to have complete mastery over another person, to make him-her a helpless object of our will, to become her God, to do with her as one pleases. To humiliate her, to enslave her are means to this end, and the most important radical aid is to make her suffer since there is no greater power over another person than that of inflicting pain on her to force her to undergo suffering without her being able to defend herself. The pleasure in the complete domination over another person is the very essence of the sadistic drive.

  42. Thank you for this great resource. I am doing some research for the anti-misandry website to counter the misconception that only men are sex offenders and the information here has been a great help.

  43. Eva,

    I am so sorry for what you have gone through. I hope you are finding some measure of comfort and help at places like MDSA and from others that may be in your life.

  44. Thank you so much Rhiannon. Opening up and sharing my story has been really hard but also VERY liberating. I am a work in progress.

    Eva
    XX

  45. Scratching my head about the cover of a new book, Paradise Rules, by Jimmy Gleacher. An endorsement on the cover, from James Frey says, “Wickedly funny.” The novel’s narrator is a teenage boy who is having sex with his “attractive” 40-year old godmother. He also has a teenage girlfriend and wonders if he can lose his virginity twice. Also disturbing, on the flip side of the coin, is the cover photo which shows the legs of a very thin young girl standing between the jean-clad legs of a seated male. I haven’t read the book – seems exploitive. Can you judge a book by it’s cover?

  46. Well, I reported a female sex offender to the fbi, but they didn’t do much about it, it was very difficult for them to believe me.
    If this had be a man he was already behind bars.

  47. thank for this site.
    I am currently providing support for my abused nephew. I had no idea his drug addicted mother (my sister in law) was doing this. She was so against anyone and on the phone would point out he was in school, doing well. And she too far away for us to check. She no longer in involved with her son. But his abuse is so bad that he is going to need ongoing professional medical/psychological support for years.
    I liaise with his psychiatrist and i have asked him how to better support my nephew who has been terribly abused. He has grown to trust me and gave me the most wonderful compliment last week – he said ‘you are the only woman who i’ve known who does not try to ‘come on’ to me. I have assured him that will never happen.
    I liaised with police and his support team before the charges could be laid. But how can anyone say that females do not sexually abuse children? They do abuse them. And then cause years of pain and anguish as a result.
    His mother has been renting him out to female pedophiles for money.
    We may never know how many. But have identified the five ‘regulars’. All rich women with fancy lawyers. It sickens me. I have read your resource on how to listen to a victim and it seems I have been doing it the right way. Although more detail on that would be appreciated please.
    But there have been tough times when he has tried suicide multiple times – and why he is in hospital again. He is a sexually abused child. The women gave him nice things. But they also molested and raped him over and over again.
    He felt like it was his fault that there was trouble as a result of the abuse – often one can hear him repeating the ‘mantra’ taught/imposed on him by the abuser. to justify the abuse ” that he was always given a choice but he wanted to make them happy, and they had given him nice presents” etc.

    He will probably be in therapy for years. His father (my brother) died when he was 3. I wish i had not been so easily rebuffed by his aggressive mother and had not lost contact. But his mother will not get him back.

    He now calls us his parents and we want now is the best support possible to help him heal. But it is tragic that a 40 year old woman can dare to call a little boy her ‘boyfriend’ and repeatedly rape a little boy. It is rape.
    Calling it sex is not acceptable. It is rape.
    It sure as hell is not love, no matter what the abusive female pedophile claims.
    Please keep up the good work. And spread the word about depraved deviant criminal female pedophiles. And the need for better support for male victims of female abusers.

  48. It is about time that this ugly truth was uncovered. As a child, (7-9), a friend and I were beaten with a sun flower stalk in an attempt by an adolescent girl to make us undress. Although we got away before any more happened, I no longer viewed girls and women as harmless and safe.
    In looking back, I realize the girl needed help and was probably abused herself. Everyone looses when society is in denial.

  49. Dear all,

    I need your help with research- please consider HELPING ME?

    Thank you to female-offenders.com for creating a safe space for people to come to to share and discuss their experiences of having been sexually abused by a woman or women. The silence that surrounds abuse by women means that awareness cannot grow, and survivors cannot get the support/treatment they need.

    I am researching, ‘SURVIVORS OF FEMALE PERPETRATED SEXUAL ABUSE AND THEIR EXPERIENCES OF DISCLOSURE’, and need adult men and women who have had a sexually abusive/invasive experience committed during their childhood by a woman or women. Please see my website: http://www.fpsaresearch.blogspot.co.uk/p/contact-me.html and read about me and my study.

    It involves a short (and very warm) telephone conversation that will explore whether you felt able to disclose your abuse to professionals/others, and if you did – whether the responses you got were helpful or unhelpful – I want to help improve care and awareness of this silenced group of people who need recognition.

    Please consider helping – I really need your voices, if care is going to change – http://www.fpsaresearch.blogspot.com

    You can email me at DClinPsyThesis@gmail.com if that would be easier – and I am very happy to tell you more, or answer any thoughts you may have,

    Thank you for reading – I hope to hear from you,

    Hannah

  50. My apologies to everyone for the comments being closed. We just now noticed this had happened after an update and have restored them.

  51. Hi Rhiannon/Blogger,
    No comment, just wanted to post the updated link for that article. Glad to see things are back up and running, and hope you’re well.

  52. Woops – my comments still showed up in my buffer, but weren’t there when the page refreshed. My original comment:
    ========================
    Hello Rhiannon/Blogger,
    Thanks for the update. I had wondered what was going on…

    I noticed that you have a broken link in the following article: http://female-offenders.com/Safehouse/2008/09/psychopathic-child-abusers-a-glimpse.html I’d wanted to comment to post an updated link, but it appears the comments are still closed.

    Here is a more current link to the Salon article “Femmes Fatales” referenced in the above article.
    http://www.salon.com/1998/01/26/cov_26feature_2/

    Thanks!

  53. Good to have the truth, I was sexually abused by a teenage babysitter, but didn’t consider it as such until my wife joined the dots for me. Society’s and mens/childrens own attitude to abuse often render it invisible, more so for women and girls – who are more often in situations where abuse can masquerade as care/affection. From my reading of others experience I can see similarities in terms of difficulties with sexual relationships and de sexual development -a fear of intimacy for example. Much more needs to be done before we can see a full and rounded picture, but this is great see.

  54. I’m both saddened and relieved to have found this site.

    I came across this resource as I could only find a handful of resources on the topic of maternal narcissism, child abuse , specifically mothers who are perpetrators of both overt and covert incest.

    It’s quite worrying that society doesn’t recognise inappropriate behaviour in women directed towards children,if there was more education on the topic that might assist in raising awareness.

    Thank you.

  55. So female sex offenders is actually a topic I enjoy researching as well as female serial killers; however following this site, I feel there are things taken out of proportion, bias and unclear on here. The articles about the teachers and students. Those relationships were consensual among both parties, with the so called victim being way past puberty and sometimes at the age of consent. What makes it sexual abuse…the age difference? That isn’t enough to call for sexual abuse. In the bible, Mary was 14 when she got pregnant and married Joseph.

    There are cultures where it’s okay for a mother to soothe her child by rubbing the genital area. If no harm is being done, then what makes it abuse which can also relate to female to male abuse. If he’s enjoying it and having a good time regardless of age, how is it abuse? I say regardless of age because in the elementary and middle school I was going to, kids were having sex with each other. Girls got pregnant yet they were all under the age of 14, so was it rape for all those involved though it was consensual? Five boys got caught giving oral sex to one another in the bathroom during recess. If children can consent to sex with one another then why not with adults? That’s my stance on the age difference.

    I feel a lot of articles if not most, on here are ‘he said, she said’. I have yet to come across an article that had literal proof that rape, or a sex abuse act occurred. That’s why it’s hard to prove male to female rape if there’s no evidence and female to female, because all it is is ‘he said, she said’.Whose to say some of these aren’t false accusations, or wanting to jump on the ‘female sex offender’ bandwagon in hopes of getting a Lifetime Movie made after them? Human beings can be evil and calculating like that. Some could argue that there are witnesses. Well witnesses aren’t reliable. If you sat 20 people down in a room and had them watch a movie then when the movie was over, took them each out individually and asked what happened, described what happen, all 20 would recount something different.

    I think this site needs more evidence in regards to physical evidence; if physical evidence can be found in semen from men then physical evidence can be found from women, science just isn’t there yet. Until then, a lot of this stuff to me is just he said, she said.

    The creator of this site should also be realistic, yes, y’all want equal victim treatment of male and female sex offenders. Well, we live in a world where women are second class citizens. Until women are no longer second class citizens then you will see a difference on how female sex crimes are handle. And then when a woman is found guilty for sex offending, her sentence is more harsher than a male offender. Why is that?

    This site also lacks female sex crimes between parties who are adults. This is implying that women can’t rape adult women nor males which I’m sure you don’t want. The main focus on this site is women and children which is great, but you’re still cutting off a community that might be there.

    Yep, just my thoughts on the site and female offenders. Also I’m currently reading a book called Female Sex Offenders by Juila Hislop, Ph. D.

  56. Following Janie’s comment above, perhaps this may be an appropriate time to highlight the fact that although some women may sexually abuse children independently, some women may also be encouraged, coerced or forced into participating in the sexual abuse of children as in the following case in which the 8-year-old victim suffered post traumatic stress disorder from his horrendous ordeal.

    ETX man gets 130 years for threesome with wife, 8-year-old boy

    http://www.kltv.com/story/19836219/judge-sentences-etx-man-to-130-years-in-prison-for-sex-assault-of-child

  57. To highlight FemaleMolestor’s comment. Most cases in which a woman is involved, a man is involved. And from the book I just finished reading, most of the women who were studied to have molested a child(with a man, or with a teen that was consensual) experienced severe sexual abuse of their own. It’s the whole pathology of the abuse becomes the abuser, and is easily manipulated by the person who abused them which were men in most of those cases. So I would say that women offenders are also victims themselves of a society that still ignores rape, child molestation, and sexual assault.

  58. Reading the article about the comments from Janie, and your answers to her comments was very interesting.
    This blog has grown and has become a wonderful resource for these “hidden” victims and their families.
    It is extremely unfortunate that many people do not recognize the criminal acts of a sexual nature committed by females.
    When a 14 year old girl is raped by a 40 year old man, he is prosecuted and damned. But when a 14 year old boy is molested by his 40 year old teacher, then the feeling seems to be that “he got lucky” when in fact, he was RAPED as well.
    Whether it “feels good” or not, is not the point…the damage is done to the child’s view of acceptable sexual behaviors. Of course, not all children who are abused go on to become abusers, just as not all children abused in any way become abusers themselves.
    I’m aware of a case (from years ago) where a mother held her 6 year old daughter down while her boy friend raped the child. Even with therapy and being taken out of that living situation, the girl was majorly “f’d up” and though it was reported to the law, there was nothing done to prosecute the perps, either the mother or the boy friend.
    I have noticed in the news lately that there are new cases reported just about every day where a teacher has molested some young boy, and one recently said that the boy “seduced her” and tried to blame the victim.
    Thanks again for this wonderful site.

  59. You should maybe learn how to actually do credible research. One book, one study by itself may be interesting but it is not definitive. There is other research showing that many women offended alone. Not to mention that many people, male or female, who are offenders were abused at some point in their lives. That is in no way an excuse for them to go on to abuse others. Most people who were abused as children never go on to abuse others. So trying to play the victim card just doesn’t cut it.

  60. @FemaleMolesters
    Although your point about coercion is valid, I’m not sure the article you’ve linked is the best example of that:

    “[W]hile Melder worked on a tugboat overseas, his wife would have men and women over to her house so she could have sex with them and livestream it for him on the boat.”

    This doesn’t sound like a coerced victim to me – child or no child. This sounds like another example of the type of case where we should be skeptical of offenders who say “I only did it because s/he made me.”

    I would also like to point out that it goes both ways: men are sometimes coerced by women. Most often, from what I’ve read, both parties willingly participate.

    But what’s more important, in my opinion, is what kind of person would try to excuse their abuse of another – particularly a child – by saying “S/he made me do it.”

    If you ask almost any healthy normal person if they could be coerced into committing a heinous crime, especially against a child, they would tell you nothing could convince them to do it. Psychologically healthy parents would kill before they could be induced to offend against their own child. There are countless victims of violence – including many young children – who have purposely endured all kinds of horrendous abuse themselves in order to spare others: siblings, friends, parents, pets.

    Anyone who tries to tell you that they committed some heinous crime because someone else made them do it, is just covering for their own criminal tendencies, imo. People truly in that position are completely overwhelmed with guilt, and do anything and everything they can to offer sympathy to the victims, and express extreme remorse for what they’ve done. I certainly don’t see that here.

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